The most important thing to know about giving pleasure to a pussy (AKA vulva), is that every pussy owner is different. Ex. one person may love getting oral, while another finds it boring. That being said, there are some guidelines for what works on a large number of vulva (pussy) owners.
General Guidelines for Pleasing That Pussy Are:
Go Slow
Adore Her Pussy
Use Lube
Know the Anatomy
Hit All the Erogenous Zones
Know the Most Common Pleasurable Techniques
Most Pussy Owners Do Not Have Vaginal Orgasms
When She is Close, Don’t Change
Ask for Feedback
Go Slow
When you think you are going at a slow pace, go three times slower. Pussy owners on average, take 8-25 minutes to orgasm, while penis owners take 5-7 minutes. Vulvas need a build-up before orgasming, so take time for foreplay:
Making out
Rubbing their body while their clothes are still on
Kissing their neck and other parts of their body
Using your hands to massage their pussy
Fingering their vagina
Oral
Tell your partner you can “do this all night.” Specifically that you can do foreplay all night, most vulva owners do not want penetration to go on all night. Long time spans of penetration can be boring for vulva owners, or worse, painful.
Adore Her Pussy
Plenty of vulva owners are self-conscious about their shape, smell, and taste. You’ll want to make your partner feel more confident by verbally adoring their pussy:
“Your pussy is so beautiful.”
“I love pleasing you.”
“You smell and taste so good.”
“Your pussy feels so good.”
Use Lube
Lube simply makes everything feel better. Vulva owners are more likely to orgasm when lube is used, even when they are “wet.” Use lube when massaging their vulva, fingering, giving oral, penetration, and especially butt play. Note: not all vulva owners get wet during sex so you’ll want to make sure you are keeping things slippery with plenty of lube.
Know the Anatomy
Important parts to be mindful of:
Vulva – entire external portion of a pussy
Mons Pubis – the spot before her clit, where her pubic hair is
Clitoris – 70% of pussys orgasm clitorally
Outer & Inner labia
Vaginal opening – only 30% of pussies orgasm vaginally
Perineum – spot in between vaginal opening and anus
Anus
Hit All the Erogenous Zones
The pussy has a ton of different places that can give pleasure. Be sure to hit them all! Play with your partner’s lips, explore their perineum, anus, vagina, and clit. Don’t make the mistake of only exploring one or two places.
Know the Most Common Pleasurable Techniques
Oftentimes people make the mistake of going straight for fingering (fingers in the vagina) or directly stimulating the clit. Typically, a pussy owner is going to want more of a build-up before you put your fingers in their vagina or touch their clit directly.
Warm-up:
Lightly run your fingers/tongue across their labia, apply pressure to the mons, and explore the perineum. Once you’ve taken some time warming them up, start to lightly stimulate their clit. Use the pads of 3-4 fingers (think of wearing a mitten) to touch their clit, this way you’ve got more surface area, opposed to poking their clit with your finger. Try using a back and forth motion with your fingers and mouth, allowing you to stimulate more of the vulva. The clit is very sensitive, so it can feel uncomfortable when stimulated directly too early.
Fingers in vagina:
After you’ve spent some time warming her up, insert two fingers into her vagina. Use the “come hither” motion to stimulate her G-spot, which is just a few inches deep into her vagina. After you have spent some time fingering her, spend some more time on clit stimulation. Then go back and forth between clit stimulation and fingering. You may also want to alternate between using your fingers and your mouth. Another great thing to do is, give them oral while you are fingering them.
Butt stuff:
Once your partner is warmed up, you may want to explore running your fingers/tongue on the outer rim of the anus. If your partner is new to butt stuff, start by gently inserting a finger, while you are giving them oral and seeing how it feels. Use lots of lube!
**Note: never go from anus to vulva, this can cause bacteria to transfer to her vulva. Instead, use a different hand when stimulating the butt or go wash out your mouth.
Penetration:
Once your pussy owner is nice and warmed up, you are ready for penetration. If she orgasms clitorally, pick a position that allows you or her to stimulate her clit manually or indirectly.
Most Pussy Owners Do Not Have Vaginal Orgasms
70% of vulva owners do not have vaginal orgasms. This means the bulk of the vulva owners you sleep with are going to orgasm from their clitoris. This is very important for penis owners to know because they often make the mistake of spending the bulk of their time on intercourse, which is not necessarily the ideal way to make your vulva owner orgasm.
Things you can do to stimulate clitoral orgasms:
Oral sex
Manual stimulation
Finding a position that hits her clit (ask what they like)
Using a vibrator during penetration
When She Is Close Don’t Change
When she feels like she is close to orgasming, keep doing exactly what you were doing. If you change they may lose the orgasm. Penis owners can make the mistake of treating a vulva the way they treat their penis. Specifically, by going faster when they are about to come. Do not do this with your vulva owner, unless they ask you to!
Ask for Feedback
Before you have sex: Ask what they like.
During sex: Ask “Does this feel good?” and/or “Do you like it better when I do X with my fingers or when I do Y?”
After sex: Ask “What did you like best?” and/or “What would you like more of?”
If you follow these techniques you will significantly increase your ability to please your vulva owner. And don’t forget, practice makes perfect. Give yourself time and wiggle room to practice and make mistakes.
If you have any additional questions reach out to Sex Coach, Kaitlin Klarer on Instagram @mysexcoach or through mysexcoach.com.